Fellow bloggers!

Have you signed up to Google Analytics? I found it a bit complicated to do - you sign up and then they send you a block of Html which you enter in your blog ... once that's done though you can look it up and see how many people have visited your blog each day. It's very addictive! You have to remember to exclude your IP address, otherwise it counts your own visits to your blog which makes you think you are more popular than you really are! I had a good day yesterday - I had 25 visitors! What you are aiming for of course is repeat visitors, not visitors who look once and then flee in disgust, or worse, boredom ...

More Academics Behaving Badly

Last night's book was Imaginary Friends by Alison Lurie. Actually it was also this morning's and this lunchtime's book, because I fell asleep last night while reading it. Don't be misled, though - this book is hilarious, featuring Lurie's usual cast of academics but this time focussing mainly on their professional lives as two sociologists set out to investigate a nutty religious group. The author's usual style is wry and witty, but in this book there are several laugh-out-loud moments. The action is bizarre but also believable; you could imagine real people getting in to these situations. A cautionary tale!

Day 100; Book 99

Trumpet by Jackie Kay

This book features a famous jazz musician with a secret. Fortunately for me I had followed my usual practice of not reading the blurb on the back, because I have found that very often these reveal quite plainly something which happens near the start of the book. Blurb authors should tantalise, not give away the plot! In this case I hadn't looked so I was able to appreciate the author's skill in unfolding the story. The book is very evocative of 1950s Glasgow (although I thought I spotted a mistake - I will check with my mother who was there at the time to see if I am right!) The author is a poet as well and this comes across in her often lyrical writing. This is a good story and the author copes well with telling it from many different viewpoints, gradually revealing what happened.

Then I read a Terence Rattigan play, French without Tears. I'd already read The Winslow Boy but this other play, while amusing, seems very dated now. It's cleverly done but the story is slight. The Winslow Boy will last, I think, because it raises questions about bigger themes such as truth and loyalty, but French without Tears is really just a piece of fluff, fun but insubstantial.

Day 99; Book 98

David Crystal

David Crystal is an authority on the English language. He writes clearly and with common sense on every aspect of English. You can find his blog here - scroll down to "On Insults, or Not" for his comments on a topical news story. Here is another link to his great reference work, The Cambridge Encyclopedia of the English Language. This is a surprisingly readable guide to English right from its origins through to the different varieties of English in the world today. It's an ideal resource for any student of the English language.

More Aeronautical Silliness

Rules of piloting:

1. Every take-off is optional, every landing is mandatory.

2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the
stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick
all the way back, then they get bigger again.

3. Flying is not dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous!

4. High speeds are not dangerous. Coming to a sudden stop is dangerous!

5. It is always better to be down here, wishing you were up there, than
up there wishing to be down here!

6. The only time you have too much fuel on board, is when you are on fire.

7. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the airplane, used to
keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot
start sweating.

8. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided
with the sky.

9. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great'
landing is one after which they can use the airplane again.

10. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to
make all of them yourself. (NB This applies also to novice car drivers!)

11. You know you have landed with the wheels up if it takes full power
to taxi to the ramp.

12. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle
of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and
vice versa.

13. Never let an aircraft get you somewhere your brain didn't get five
minutes earlier.

14. Stay out of the clouds. The silver lining everybody keeps talking
about, might be another airplane going in the opposite direction.
Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out
in clouds.

15. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the
number of take-offs you have made.

16. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing.
Unfortunately no one knows what they are.

17. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience.
The trick is to fill the bag of experience, before you empty your bag of
luck. (NB Another one for the novice car drivers!)

18. Helicopters can't fly. They are just so ugly the earth repels them.

19. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round
and round, and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger
compartment, things are not as they should be.

20. In the ongoing battle between airplanes going hundreds of miles per
hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.

21. Good judgement comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience
usually comes from bad judgement.

22. It is always a good idea to keep the pointed end going forward as
much as possible.

23. Keep looking around. There is always something you've missed.

24. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It is the law. And it's
not subject to repeal.

25. The four most useless things to a pilot are altitude above you,
runway behind you, air in the fuel tank and a tenth of a second ago.

26. Lastly, always check the runway number; then double check!

From the Sublime to the Ridiculous

These are supposedly actual logged maintenance complaints by QUANTAS pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics. (Supplied by Mechatronics Technician Mr F, who will naturally be on the side of the mechanics and their subversive use of language!)

P stands for the problem the pilots entered in the log.
S stands for the corrective action taken by the mechanics.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back order!!

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing. (note: this was for a piston-engineered airplane; the pilot meant the engine was not running smoothly).
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly by Jean-Dominique Bauby

It is amazing that someone almost completely paralysed after a stroke, and able to communicate only by moving one eyelid, should nevertheless conceive, compose and dictate this memoir. Jean-Dominique Bauby found himself in a completely alien situation but still managed to convey to us his love of life and family as well as his sense of humour. He dictated the book letter by letter by blinking whenever his assistant reached the appropriate letter in the alphabet, so the whole book was planned and edited in his head. By the end of this book, which is just over 100 pages long, you will feel you really know the author, so well has he conveyed his personality. It is a tragic yet also uplifing work.

Here is the website of the film which has been made of the book.

Day 97; Book 96