Money-saving "Tips"

DON'T waste money on expensive iPods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you like and hum that instead.

DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along with your old bank statements.

HOMEOWNERS: Prevent burglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the morning, simply move it all back again.

SAVE money on expensive personalised car number plates by simply changing your name to match your existing plate. - Mr. KVL 741Y.

DON'T waste money buying expensive binoculars; simply stand closer to the object you wish to view.

AN empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.

SAVE electricity by turning off all the lights in your house and walking around wearing a miner's hat.

HOUSEWIVES, the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the other in your coat pocket.

OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books, simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know.

SAVE on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The following morning you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimble full of washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.

SAVE a fortune on laundry bills. Give your dirty shirts to Oxfam, they will wash and iron them and you can buy them back for fifty pence.

OLD people, if you feel cold indoors this winter, simply pop outside for ten minutes without a coat, when you go back inside you will really feel the benefit.

CAN'T afford contact lenses? Simply cut out small circles of cling film and press them into your eyes.

WHY pay the earth for expensive jigsaws? Just take a bag of frozen chips from the freezer and try piecing together potatoes.

MIX tea with coffee, and leave in the fridge to cool. Hey presto! Toffee.

MAKE your own inexpensive mints by leaving blobs of toothpaste to dry on a window sill. Use striped toothpaste to make humbugs.

SHOPPERS, when buying oranges, get more for your money by peeling them before taking them to the counter to be weighed.

WOMEN: Don't waste energy faking orgasms. Most men couldn't care less anyway and you could use the saved energy to Hoover the house afterwards.

In Defence of P G Wodehouse by George Orwell

This essay was written in 1945. In it Orwell defends P G Wodehouse from the vilification which was heaped on him after he, as a German captive, made broadcasts on the radio in Berlin. Orwell makes his case well for Wodehouse as a political innocent and unwitting tool of the Nazis.

However the most interesting paragraph for me is the end one. Part of it states that, "Few things in this war have been more morally disgusting than the present hunt after traitors and Quislings. At best it is largely the punishment of the guilty by the guilty. In France, all kinds of petty rats -- police officials, penny-a-lining journalists, women who have slept with German soldiers -- are hunted down while almost without exception the big rats escape. In England the fiercest tirades against Quislings are uttered by Conservatives who were practising appeasement in 1938 and Communists who were advocating it in 1940".

In effect it would seem that punishment is often heaped upon those whom it is easier to punish. I think this has relevance to today's culture of political correctness. Perhaps I should say, of excess political correctness, because of course it is right that offensive language should not be used and that people should not be discriminated against. However when you get cases like children being removed by the social services from caring parents of low IQ, while in other cases those known to be guilty of abuse or neglect are allowed or even encouraged to keep their children, it makes you wonder if discrimination is being practised here in the very name of political correctness. Or you get the case of a woman being fined for putting the wrong rubbish in her bin, while as Orwell says above, "the big rats escape". Some bankers have caused havoc, for example, yet seem to be rewarded by bonuses.

What do you think?

One Good Turn by Kate Atkinson

I finished my Spike Milligan books last night and went on to One Good Turn by Kate Atkinson (lent to me by Caroline). As you know I try to avoid reading the blurbs on books. The good thing about this is that any surprises are never spoiled; the bad thing is that occasionally I get completely the wrong idea about books. I THOUGHT this was going to be a romance. Happily, so far (and I've only read a few chapters) it has turned out to be set during the Edinburgh Festival and involves humour, murder, attempted murder, sexual shenanigans and two larcenous schoolboys from Gillespie's. I can't wait to read on! As usual I have come in to the middle of a series, and now I must find the other books.

Day 126; Book 125

New Feature!

If you scroll down you will see on the left a nice wooden bookcase! I've been adding the books I've read to it and you can go forward and backward to see them. A neat feature is that you can hover over a book and details of that book will come up (most of them have a synopsis). This is a blog widget from Shelfari. While I was looking on Shelfari for my books, I came across this one which sounds fascinating: Subversive Cross-Stitch!

Spike Milligan

Last night I read Spike Milligan's Adolf Hitler: My Part in his Downfall. This is the story in hilarious form of his call-up and early army service as a gunner. The next volume, Rommel? Gunner Who? wasn't available in the library. I have read this several times already so I went straight on to Monty: His Part in my Victory, and finally I read part of Mussolini: His Part in my Downfall. Each of the books has laugh-out-loud moments, often featuring the quick-fire repartee of Milligan and his army mates. Black humour abounds, along with a great sense of camaraderie. The tone gradually darkens however and not just because of the ongoing war. Milligan was a sufferer from terrible depression and there are hints of a breakdown to come.

Day 125; Book 124

I am a Hemingway convert

... at least to For Whom the Bell Tolls. I have to admit that I think it's a masterpiece. It's a tragic story but one with flashes of humour. The different characters are skillfully drawn and although the action takes place over only 3 days, the scope is much wider with individuals giving their own histories or thinking about things that have happened in their lives. I definitely recommend this book. It wasn't a book-a-day for me, as it took more like 2 and a half days to read - but it's worth taking the time to read it.

My next book was Robert Capa: the Definitive Collection by Richard Whelan. This was a huge tome featuring all of Robert Capa's best and most well-known works, from the early 1930s to just before his death in Indochina after stepping on a landmine. He took the famous "Falling Soldier" photograph of a Spanish loyalist militiaman. I love photography books - but I have to say I prefer photojournalism to anything more "arty".

Next I read Tobin: Evil Beyond Belief by Annabelle Love. This was a 100-page publication given away by a daily newspaper. It was well-constructed, bringing together Peter Tobin's life, terrible crimes and ultimate capture and imprisonment. However I felt the victims deserved a better-quality book. The tone in parts was sensationalist, and could not compare in any way with the works of such true-crime writers as Ann Rule or Jerry Bledsoe, with their psychological analysis and evident empathy for the victims. The breaking-down of the text into a paragraph for each sentence made it seem very "jerky" to read.

Finally I read a children's book, Mistress Masham's Repose by T H White. T H White is the author of The Once and Future King, which retells the Arthurian legends. Mistress Masham's Repose is one of those children's books with plenty for adults as well. I am sure there are very bright children who would pick up on White's use of language and historical and cultural references in this book, but I would imagine that these aspects would mainly appeal to adults, while the little people, a cruel governess, the spirited little heroine and her nocturnal adventures would be enthralling for children. There are humorous aspects for both age groups however. White's story of the Lilliputians who came to England is original (Mary Norton's The Borrowers was not published for another 5 years). I wonder if this has ever been a film?

Day 124; Book 122

For Whom the Bell Tolls by Ernest Hemingway

I'm in the middle of this so can't count it as read yet. It was on my bookshelf but I only remember the start so maybe I hadn't read past that. I didn't like the start, certainly. I've read on now though and I'm really enjoying it and can't wait to get back to it. Hemingway is writing about the Republicans in the Spanish Civil War, but he has not shrunk from describing the atrocities committed on each side. Having suffered through The Old Man and the Sea, I wasn't particularly keen to read Hemingway again, and I didn't like his macho image. Despite this, his basic humanity comes through in his understanding of the characters. I may read more of this author now (which would increase my reading of American literature).